


So Come, Torture Me

by starkfrosts



Category: MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Infinity War, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:44:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkfrosts/pseuds/starkfrosts
Summary: 6 months after the battle, the God of Thunder, shouldered with pain, expresses emotions he thought he always concealed perfectly.





	So Come, Torture Me

Thor sat on his bed at the room Shuri, the new ruler of Wakanda, had offered him. It has been six months since they were defeated by the mighty Thanos. Ever since, life hasn’t been the same. Not that it was ever the same since he lost his father, his home, and his brother in the course of 3 days prior to that.

He eyed the weapon that sat beside him. Holding it, he felt so much power, but when he thinks back to the battle, all the power he seemed to feel didn’t seem like it was all powerful.

Thanos had been in his mind the past half a year. Every nightmare longer than the other, but still displayed the same endgame. It was always Thor trying to gloat at Thanos, as if he really thought he had been defeated, then he was gone. Thor was wrong. Thanos won. He gave the same look in Wakanda like he did in the Asgardian ship. The same expression when he took the life of his brother. _Arrogance_.

He noticed a stain of blood still visible on his axe, there he remembered him again.

_No resurrections this time._

He tried to wipe the blood off.

_You should’ve gone for the head._

His father was right. He didn’t deserved the throne, because he was still the same arrogant prince 7 years ago. He’s not worthy. He wanted to gloat at him. As a result, half the humanity is gone. The King of Wakanda, T’Challa, Sam Wilson, James Barnes, the ones he’s never met, died because of his actions. Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Tree, the ones he _knew_ , died because of his actions.

He saw Bucky disintegrate. He also witnessed Steve’s face when it had happened. The pain, a broken heart, the image of his best friend suddenly within a matter of seconds, gone. His voice echoed at the back of his mind.

_Where did he go?_

But Thor didn’t know. The whole time he tried to process what had happened, but his mind couldn’t bare the events. He has never seen Steve that way. Broken, his eyes of uttered shock, the acceptance that they lost. He was Steve Rogers, the one who didn’t liked bullies, the one who fights, but in that time, he didn’t fight the emotions. He revealed how much in shock he was. When he knelt down and held on to the ground who held Bucky’s ashes, Steve showed his true emotions. _Fear_. Thor saw it all, he felt every pain Steve tried to contain within himself. He knew, because he’s been in that position.

What if he disintegrated, what if he was the one who died? Surely he wouldn’t feel this much pain, he would be in Valhalla, with his family. But he was there, in Wakanda. Broken. Alone. Frightened. Everyone lost someone important to them, but Thor, he lost all.

His rubbing of the axe intensifies. Just get it off, he thought, get rid of the memory, get rid of the blood, go back in time, _anything_. His hand slipped causing his palm to bleed. The stormbreaker made a _god_ bleed, and yet they _lost_.

He blamed himself for everything. Why wouldn’t he? He was right there. He, of all the other defenders, had the power to end it once and for all. Instead he wanted Thanos to hear his words, to have his voice echo at the back of his mind when he dies. But he didn’t die. The one goal he had, and he didn’t even finished it.

He wanted to escape. To run away, to be far from everyone as much as possible. But this isn’t like 2 years ago when they were fighting Ultron. He can’t simply leave because he has nowhere else to go. Asgard was perished.

For the first time ever since the battle, his tears found its way out. Silent sobs escaped his lips. It was his fault, he always told himself. His best friend isn’t there, and he most certainly doesn’t have his brother as well. He misses them both. He missed his family, his mother, his father, he missed his _home_.

A knock softly disrupted his tears, but he was in no shape to stop them. He tried, but sometimes when you’re in so much pain and regret, stopping tears from falling wasn’t really an option.

He lets out a quiet, come in, before he heard the knob turn, his eyes still glued on the his bloody hands.

“Hey, Thor, I’m just checking in,” he heard a voice speak softly. Suddenly, his emotions changed, but not for the better, he was mostly terrified to be seen like that. Especially when it’s Bruce. Since the fight, he’s always been the one there for him. Trying to cheer him up, tell him he’s not the one to blame because Thanos had his goals straight, and Thor didn’t. He was clouded with revenge.

“ _Holy shit_ , Thor,” Bruce muttered, upon seeing the blood drenched carpeted floor, “I’ll go grab some–”

“No,” Thor practically yelled, finally looking up at Bruce, “I-I’ll be fine. I just–” he sniffed, wiping some of his tears away with his other hand, “Please just stay with me.”

The moment he noticed Thor’s bloodshot eyes, fresh and even oncoming with tears, Bruce didn’t had the heart to say no. He sat down beside him, looking at the hand he tried to shield away from the man.

“Thor,” he called, “I really think I should get something–”

Bruce was interrupted when a huge cry gushed out of Thor’s lips, a never ending scream, like he has tried so hard for 6 months not to break and right here, in this room he felt helpless. Thor was never the one to ask for help, Bruce knew that. That’s why whenever he tries to cheer him up, it was never because he was acting off. He kept a facade, like he wasn’t one to be broken. As if one single emotion to rush out of him, and he’s no longer the same god. Bruce pulled Thor to his shoulders, comforting and telling the bigger man to let it all out, to not be afraid of letting go of their feelings, to be honest.

Thor felt like he was falling. Falling for his inevitable fate. That he wasn’t the strongest avenger, because he wasn’t strong enough to refrain his emotions from damaging him. Losing everything, everyone, they all played a part on his emotions. He wanted them gone, he wanted it out of his system, but the tears were not enough.

His heart felt heavy, all the emotions dragging him down. He wanted it to end. Everything. The tears, the pain, his whole life. However, he told the Sweet Rabbit, fate made him alive because he had a purpose. He thought it was to defeat Thanos, obviously he failed at that.

Not even minutes later when his breathing slowed down, his heart rate lowering, his mind occupied by the silent whispers the man confronting him was whispering.

He got out of the embrace, looking down at his still bleeding hand, “I’m sorry,” he mumbled to Bruce, “I didn’t want you to see me this way.”

Bruce grabbed his face to turn his way, the god still refused to glance, “Thor,” he called, Thor finally establishing eye contact, “It’s okay,” he assured, wiping the leftover tears that remained in his face.

“Thor, Dr. Banner,” Steve called. Clint and Natasha standing behind him from the door frame. The two turned their faces, Bruce’s hands slowly lowered.

“We got company,” Clint informed them.

They all turned to Natasha when she said, “We think it’s Tony.”


End file.
